Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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