this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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