ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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