No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
