It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
