that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
