I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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