I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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