I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
