sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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