haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
