I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
