I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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