You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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