Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We need to rekindle our bromance
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
