im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
