she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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