please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
