i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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