is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
