you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
