You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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