the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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