I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
