There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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