I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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