Having a random hookup so left but love u
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
