You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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