Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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