he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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