did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
