i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
