Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
