Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
