Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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