Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
