The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
