last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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