was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
