We're facebook friends in real life
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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