What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
