Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i came on her dog
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
