can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
