She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
