Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
