I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
