Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
