just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Shame - the story of my life.
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