how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
