Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
