Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
smell my finger.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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