So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just pynch a tree in the face
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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